Celebrating Authenticity: Understanding the Depth and Creativity of Enneagram Four
Emma is a young artist who has always felt different from other people.
Even as a child, she was drawn to the beauty and complexity of the world around her, expressing herself through painting, poetry, and music. Emma often found herself lost in her imagination, seeking meaning and significance in everything she created.
As Emma grew older, her sense of uniqueness only intensified. She became known for her deep emotional sensitivity and her ability to see the world in ways others couldn’t.
But with this gift came a persistent feeling of being misunderstood, of never quite fitting in.
Emma often wondered, “Why do I feel so different? Will anyone ever truly understand me?”
Emma’s story reflects the experience of many who share the personality patterns of an Enneagram Four.
You may know someone like this, or perhaps you see these traits in yourself—someone driven by a deep desire to be authentic, to express their individuality, and to connect with others on a meaningful level.
The Positive Power of Enneagram Four
Fours are the epitome of creativity and emotional depth. They have a remarkable ability to express complex emotions and ideas through art, words, and other forms of creative expression.
This deep connection to their inner world allows Fours to bring a unique perspective to everything they do, often leading to profound insights and original contributions.
This emotional depth, paired with their desire for authenticity, makes Fours invaluable in relationships and communities.
They are often the ones who bring color and richness to life, encouraging others to explore their own emotions and embrace their true selves.
Fours are known for their ability to empathize with others, offering comfort and understanding to those who feel lost or misunderstood.
The Hidden Side of Enneagram Four
While Fours are celebrated for their creativity and depth, there is another side to their personality that can be easily overlooked—the struggle with feelings of inadequacy and longing.
Fours are part of the heart-based vector with Twos and Threes, where the primary emotion is sadness. This sadness often arises from a deep sense of something missing or from feeling that they are fundamentally different or misunderstood.
For many Fours, their deep emotional sensitivity can lead to a pervasive sense of something missing, a longing for an elusive ideal that always seems just out of reach.
In the context of the Patterns of Developmental Pathways (PDP) model, Fours tend to upregulate emotions, particularly those associated with longing, sadness, and melancholy.
Upregulation, in this sense, refers to the intensification of emotional experiences as a way to connect more deeply with their inner world and to seek meaning in their lives.
This constant search for meaning and authenticity can sometimes lead Fours to dwell in their emotions, creating a cycle of longing and dissatisfaction.
When they feel misunderstood or unappreciated, Fours may withdraw or isolate themselves, deepening their sense of separation from others.
Attachment Filters, Implicit Memories, and Interpersonal Neurobiology
The deep emotional experiences of Fours are often rooted in early attachment experiences and the implicit memories formed during childhood.
Attachment filters—shaped by early interactions with caregivers—significantly impact how Fours perceive themselves and their relationships with others.
Those with secure attachments may feel confident in their uniqueness and self-expression, while those with non-secure attachments might struggle with feelings of inadequacy and a fear of being misunderstood or rejected.
Implicit memories—subconscious emotional imprints from early experiences—often fuel the intense emotional reactions that many Fours experience. These memories can drive Fours to seek out emotional depth and authenticity, sometimes leading them to idealize relationships or experiences that seem to offer the connection they long for.
When reality falls short of these ideals, Fours may feel a deep sense of loss or disappointment.
Interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) provides insight into how these attachment experiences and implicit memories shape the brain’s development, particularly in how Fours manage emotions, creativity, and their need for connection.
Understanding these underlying factors can help Fours recognize when their emotional intensity is driven by deeper, often unconscious, needs and empower them to find balance and fulfillment in their lives.
The Spiritual Dimension of Authenticity and Longing
From a spiritual perspective, the longing and desire for authenticity that characterize Fours can be seen as a reflection of the soul’s deep yearning for connection with God.
Fours are often drawn to the mysteries of faith, seeking to understand and experience God in personal and profound ways.
However, just as our relationship with God is rooted in grace, Fours are called to balance their pursuit of authenticity with acceptance and self-compassion, recognizing that their worth is not defined by how unique or different they are, but by their inherent value as children of God.
We see this balance in the relationship between the Persons of the Trinity. God the Father offers unconditional love, the Son embodies the perfect example of living authentically in relationship with others, and the Holy Spirit guides us toward deeper understanding and connection.
Fours are called to reflect this divine balance by embracing their true selves while also recognizing that they are loved and accepted just as they are.
Navigating a Four’s Patterns of Challenges
If you identify with the tendencies of an Enneagram Four, you likely recognize that your desire for authenticity often leads you to explore your emotions deeply, sometimes at the expense of connection with others or contentment with life as it is. While this instinct is a gift, it can also become a barrier to deeper connection with yourself, God, and others.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate the challenges of maintaining emotional depth while also embracing the beauty and simplicity of life:
1. Practice Self-Acceptance: Begin by recognizing that your worth is not defined by your uniqueness or creativity. Practice accepting yourself as you are, without the need to constantly seek out something more or different.
2. Embrace the Present Moment: Allow yourself to find joy and contentment in the present moment, rather than always longing for something just out of reach. Engage in mindfulness practices that help you stay grounded and appreciative of the here and now.
3. Balance Emotion with Action: Fours can sometimes get lost in their emotions. Practice balancing your emotional experiences with constructive action. Channel your feelings into creative projects, physical activities, or acts of service that bring you closer to others.
4. Reflect on Spiritual Anchors: Spend time in prayer or reflection, asking God to help you balance your desire for authenticity with grace. Consider how Jesus lived a life of profound connection with others, and seek to emulate this balance in your own life.
5. Cultivate Gratitude: Focus on what is good and beautiful in your life as it is. Practice gratitude daily, whether through journaling, prayer, or simply taking time to appreciate the people and experiences that bring you joy.
How to Respond to the Fours in Your Life
If you have an Enneagram Four in your life, you likely admire their creativity, emotional depth, and unique perspective on the world. Fours are often the ones who bring beauty and meaning to life, encouraging others to explore their own emotions and embrace their true selves.
However, their intense emotions and longing for authenticity can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or misunderstanding. Here are some ways to respond to and support the Fours in your life:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Fours often feel deeply and appreciate when others acknowledge their emotions. Take time to listen and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them.
2. Encourage Self-Acceptance: Fours can be hard on themselves, often feeling that they are not enough or that something is missing. Encourage them to embrace who they are and to recognize their inherent worth.
3. Support Their Creativity: Fours often express themselves through creative outlets. Encourage their artistic endeavors and celebrate their unique contributions to the world. Be open to what “creative” means; it could even mean writing computer code!
4. Be Patient and Understanding: Fours may need time to process their emotions, especially when they feel misunderstood or disconnected. Be patient with them and offer support as they work through their feelings.
5. Help Them Stay Grounded: Fours can sometimes get lost in their emotions and longing. Help them stay grounded by encouraging them to engage with the present moment and to appreciate the beauty and goodness in their lives.
By understanding and responding to the Fours in your life with patience, encouragement, and love, you can help them feel seen, valued, and supported as they navigate the balance between emotional depth and contentment.
Invitation to Deeper Exploration
Understanding and managing the balance of authenticity and longing is just one aspect of the complex personality patterns found in Enneagram Four. If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for the upcoming retreat, "Leading with Life in Balance."
This retreat offers a unique opportunity to explore your personality patterns more deeply, examine how they influence your spiritual journey, and learn practical tools for living with greater balance and intention.
By attending this retreat, you will gain profound self-knowledge, helping you recognize your strengths and address your challenges in a supportive and nurturing environment. You can learn more about the retreat and register by visiting this link.
As you continue on this journey of self-discovery, remember that your authenticity is a gift, but true connection comes from balancing that authenticity with acceptance, grace, and self-compassion. I hope to see you at the retreat, where we can explore these themes together and grow in our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with God.