Holy Week, Day 2: The Disciples Who Fled – Running From the Pain
“Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled.” —Matthew 26:56
You can almost hear the silence after Jesus is arrested. The shuffle of soldiers. The scurry of footsteps. The absence of His friends.
Not just Judas.
All of them.
Peter tried to fight at first, cutting off someone’s ear. But fear set in quickly. Later that night, under the cool glow of a courtyard fire, Peter said it three times: “I don’t know the man.”
It’s not hard to understand why. When fear, pain, or shame come close, our instincts kick in—run, hide, deny, disappear. Neuroscience calls it the threat response, and our brains are wired for it. The amygdala shouts, “Survive!” And survival often looks like escape.
But Jesus didn’t flee. He stayed. Not because it was easy—but because His secure attachment to the Father gave Him the capacity to remain present. This is the way of right-brain discipleship: not reacting from fear but responding from love.
At the Foot of the Cross: Who’s Missing?
As we turn to James Tissot’s arresting painting “View from the Cross,” we’re given Jesus’ perspective—looking down from the cross itself. We see the crowd, the chaos, the mourning. A few faithful remain: His mother, with her arms crossed in front of her, and two other women behind her. John, in white robes. And Mary Magdalene, at Jesus’s feet (bottom of the painting).
(“What Our Lord Saw from the Cross” by James Tissot. Brooklyn Museum)
But many faces are missing.
Where are His closest friends? Those who had shared meals with Him, laughed with Him, vowed to follow Him even to death?
They are gone.
And yet—Jesus doesn’t gaze with condemnation. There is great pain and sorrow, yes. But also mercy.
If you’ve ever run from pain, avoided truth, denied the deeper parts of your calling—you are not beyond grace. Jesus saw their betrayal… and still called them “friends.” He still called Peter back.
Why Do We Run? (And What If It’s Not Just Fear?)
Under stress, we all react differently. Some of us hide. Others get angry. Still others become numb or disconnected. These aren’t just random choices—they’re learned survival strategies.
Your brain is wired to keep you safe. When you’ve experienced hurt, betrayal, or neglect—especially from people on whom you depended—your nervous system learns: Don’t trust. Stay small. Stay guarded. Don’t get too close.
And this wiring affects not just our relationships with people—but with God.
Many people have trouble imagining a loving God because they’ve had few—if any—loving, consistent attachment figures in their lives. If caregivers or spiritual leaders have been harsh, unavailable, or unsafe, then God often gets cast in the same image.
Instead of projecting the presence of God into our life experiences, we project our life experiences onto God.
No wonder we run.
But the good news is this: God is not like the ones who hurt you.
God is not impatient.
God is not indifferent.
God does not withdraw when you are weak.
God does not shame you for not getting it right.
The God we see incarnated in Jesus is the God who kneels to wash feet. Who forgives failures. Who stays present even when abandoned.
And—He’s the God who comes looking for us after we’ve run. Like the Good Shepherd looking for the lost sheep.
Just as Jesus met Peter again by the sea—with tenderness and not judgment—He will meet you, too. Even if you’ve doubted Him. Even if you’ve hidden. Even if you’ve denied knowing Him at all.
An Invitation: Begin to See God Differently
If you want to trust God but don’t know how—start here:
Ask God to show you His true face. Not the one others have distorted, but the one who loves you with everlasting love.
Let yourself imagine God’s eyes on you—not in disappointment, but in compassion.
Reflect on Jesus as the image of God. Every time Jesus responds with mercy, gentleness, or truth-telling love, that’s the Father’s heart revealed.
Practice staying in the moment with God, even just for a few breaths. He’s not rushing you. He’s not afraid of your fear.
This is how spiritual formation begins: by slowly replacing distorted images of God with the truth of divine love. By letting ourselves be seen. By staying a little longer with the One who stays with us.
Scripture Reflections for Meditation
Words of Jesus to help reshape your view of God.
“Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” (John 14:9)
When you picture Jesus kneeling, healing, weeping, forgiving—this is the heart of God revealed.
If Jesus is kind, then the Father is kind.
If Jesus is safe, then God is safe.
“The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.” (Luke 22:61)
Even in the moment of Peter’s denial, Jesus doesn’t look away.
No anger. No shame. Just knowing. Just love.
He saw Peter fully—and still chose to restore him.
Let this be your hope: even when you run, Jesus sees you.
And His gaze is not one of rejection, but of invitation.
Here are some Psalms that can help you seek God’s true face and experience God’s everlasting love:
“When you said, ‘Seek my face,’ my heart said to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.’” (Psalm 27:8)
This verse emphasizes the desire to seek God's presence.
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)
This verse is a reminder of God's loving protection and care.
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Psalm 63:1)
This passage expresses a deep longing for God.
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” (Psalm 91:1-2)
These words are a declaration of trust in God’s protective presence.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
One of my favorite passages, these verses acknowledge God’s intimate knowledge and love for you.
You might also consider praying with these Psalms, asking God to reveal His true nature to you and to help you see Him as He truly is—loving and compassionate.
Reflect: From Hiding to Healing
Have you ever hidden from God in fear, shame, or mistrust?
Have you wanted to believe God is loving—but found it hard to let your guard down?
You are not alone.
The disciples ran. Peter denied. You’re not the first to feel uncertain about love, especially when love has felt unsafe in the past.
But what if God is not like the ones who disappointed you?
Jesus once said, “If you’ve seen Me, you’ve seen the Father.”
That means every moment of compassion, every healing touch, every invitation to come closer—you’re seeing the very heart of God.
This is not a God who flinches when you fail.
This is the God who stays.
So maybe the first step isn’t trying harder to believe.
Maybe it’s just daring to ask: “Jesus, show me the Father.”
Stay in that question. Let it become prayer.
A Closing Prayer
Jesus, I want to believe that You are safe.
That You are the face of a Father who won’t leave me, even when I hide.
But it’s hard sometimes.
So show me who You are.
Not the God I learned to fear, but the God who kneels to wash feet.
The God who calls me back by name.
The God who stays.
And when I’m ready—
Help me stay, too.
Amen.
To view the other articles in this series focusing on the paintings of Tissot, please click below:
Day 1: The Cup and the Crushing
Day 2: The Disciples Who Fled—Running from the Pain
Day 3: Blind Guides and the Undefended Heart of Christ
A Maundy Thursday Reflection: Presence in the Pain
Day 6: coming soon
Day 7: Easter morning, coming soon