The Drive for Success: Understanding the Ambition and Adaptability of Enneagram Three
Do you know someone like Michael? He has always been known as the achiever.
From his early years in school, where he excelled in academics and sports, to his career, where he quickly rose through the ranks, Michael’s life has been a series of accomplishments. He’s the person everyone turns to when they need something done—and done well.
Michael’s drive for success is fueled by a desire to be recognized, valued, and admired. He thrives on setting and reaching goals, constantly pushing himself to achieve more.
But beneath the surface, Michael often feels the pressure to maintain his image of success. The fear of failure looms large, and he finds himself wondering, “Who am I if I’m not successful?”
Michael’s story is not unique. It reflects the experience of many who share the personality patterns of an Enneagram Three.
You may know someone like this, or perhaps you see these traits in yourself—someone driven by ambition, focused on achievement, and adaptable to whatever challenges come their way.
(True confessions: I score highest in Three in the WEPSS Enneagram assessment by Jerome Wagner, though Two follows close behind! For the purposes of simplicity, I’ll say “they” throughout this article… even though I could just as easily write “we.”)
The Positive Power of Enneagram Three
Threes are natural achievers. They have a remarkable ability to set and accomplish goals, often excelling in multiple areas of life. Their ambition and drive make them effective leaders and role models, inspiring others with their energy and determination.
Threes are also highly adaptable, able to read situations quickly and adjust their approach to achieve the best possible outcome.
This adaptability, paired with their focus on success, makes Threes valuable in both personal and professional settings.
They are often the people who can take on multiple roles, juggle various responsibilities, and still deliver results that exceed expectations.
Threes are known for their confidence and charisma, which draw others to them and create opportunities for growth and success.
The Hidden Side of Enneagram Three
While Threes are often celebrated for their achievements, there is another side to their personality that can be easily overlooked—the fear of failure and the struggle with authenticity. Threes are part of the heart-based vector, where the primary emotion is sadness.
This underlying sadness often stems from the pressure they place on themselves to achieve and the fear that their worth is tied solely to their accomplishments.
For many Threes, their identity becomes so closely tied to their accomplishments that they lose sight of who they are beneath the accolades and achievements.
In the context of the Patterns of Developmental Pathways (PDP) model, Threes tend to upregulate their emotions to maintain their image and drive toward success.
Upregulation, in this sense, refers to the amplification of emotional responses that support their goals, such as confidence and determination, while downplaying or suppressing emotions that might hinder their progress, like fear or vulnerability.
This constant focus on maintaining an image of success can lead to feelings of emptiness or burnout when Threes are unable to keep up with their own expectations or when they realize that their achievements don’t fully satisfy their deeper needs for connection and authenticity.
Attachment Filters, Implicit Memories, and Interpersonal Neurobiology
The drive for success in Threes is often deeply influenced by early attachment experiences and the implicit memories formed during childhood. Attachment filters—shaped by interactions with caregivers—can significantly impact how Threes develop their sense of self-worth and identity.
Those with secure attachments may strive for success while maintaining a strong sense of their true self, while those with non-secure attachments may feel compelled to achieve as a way to earn love, approval, or validation.
Implicit memories—subconscious emotional imprints from early experiences—often fuel the need for recognition and external validation that many Threes experience.
These memories can drive Threes to constantly seek out new achievements and accolades, sometimes without fully understanding why they feel the need to prove themselves over and over again. The fear of being unworthy or unseen often lies beneath their relentless pursuit of success.
Interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) provides insight into how these attachment experiences and implicit memories shape the brain’s development, particularly in how Threes manage stress, ambition, and their need for approval.
Understanding these underlying factors can help Threes recognize when their drive for success is motivated by deeper, often unconscious, needs and empower them to cultivate a more authentic and balanced approach to life.
The Spiritual Dimension of Ambition and Authenticity
From a spiritual perspective, the drive for success and achievement in Threes can be seen as a reflection of God’s creative energy and the desire to bring about good in the world.
However, just as God’s love is not conditional upon our achievements, Threes are called to balance their ambition with authenticity and humility, recognizing that their worth is not defined by their accomplishments.
No, indeed, as for all of us, their worth rests in the simple fact that each person is a beloved child of God. And there is nothing you can do–or a Three can do–that will cause God to love you any more or any less tomorrow than God already loves you today. God’s love for you is full and complete, just as you are.
We see this balance in the relationship between the Persons of the Trinity. Jesus Christ, the Son, exemplifies both the fulfillment of God’s purpose and the humility to serve others without seeking glory for himself. The Holy Spirit, as the source of guidance and truth, reminds us that our true identity is found in being fully known and loved by God, not in what we achieve.
Threes can reflect this divine balance in their own lives by learning to embrace their true selves, beyond their successes, and by seeking to live authentically in all aspects of their lives.
Navigating a Three’s Patterns of Challenges
If you identify with the tendencies of an Enneagram Three, you likely recognize that your drive for success often leads you to focus on achievement at the expense of authenticity. While this instinct is a gift, it can also become a barrier to deeper connection with others and with God.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate the challenges of maintaining success while also embracing authenticity:
1. Practice Self-Reflection: Begin by recognizing when your drive for success is leading you to neglect your true feelings or desires. Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you, beyond external achievements. Start by clearly identifying your values and then begin using them as a compass for “true north” in how you show up in your relationships.
2. Embrace Vulnerability: Allow yourself to be seen for who you are, not just for what you accomplish. Share your fears and struggles with trusted friends, family, a spiritual director, or a mentor. Embracing vulnerability can help you build deeper, more meaningful connections.
3. Balance Ambition with Rest: Threes can be prone to overworking and burnout. (I know this from personal experience!) Make it a priority to rest and recharge regularly. Engage in activities that nourish your soul and remind you of your intrinsic worth, apart from your achievements.
4. Reflect on Spiritual Anchors: Spend time in prayer or reflection, asking God to help you balance your ambition with authenticity. Consider how Jesus embodied both purpose and humility, and seek to emulate this balance in your own life.
5. Develop Authentic Relationships: Focus on building relationships where you can be your true self, without the need to impress or achieve. Cultivate friendships and connections based on mutual respect and understanding, rather than performance.
How to Respond to the Threes in Your Life
If you have an Enneagram Three in your life, you likely admire their drive, ambition, and ability to achieve great things. Threes are often the ones who inspire others with their energy and determination. However, their focus on success can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or disconnection.
Here are some ways to respond to and support the Threes in your life:
1. Acknowledge Their Achievements: Threes often work hard to achieve their goals. Acknowledge and celebrate their accomplishments, but also let them know that they are valued for who they are, not just for what they do.
2. Encourage Authenticity: Threes can sometimes struggle to be vulnerable. Encourage them to share their true thoughts and feelings, and create a safe space for them to express themselves without fear of judgment.
3. Support Their Well-being: Threes may push themselves too hard in their pursuit of success. Encourage them to take breaks and prioritize self-care, reminding them that rest is essential for long-term success.
4. Be Patient and Understanding: Understand that Threes may struggle with the fear of failure or the need to prove themselves. Be patient with them and offer support as they work through these challenges.
5. Foster Genuine Connections: Help Threes build relationships where they can be themselves, without the pressure to perform or impress. Support their growth toward authenticity and encourage them to embrace their true identity.
By understanding and responding to the Threes in your life with patience, encouragement, and love, you can help them feel seen, valued, and supported as they navigate the balance between ambition and authenticity.
Invitation to Deeper Exploration
Understanding and managing the balance of ambition and authenticity is just one aspect of the complex personality patterns found in Enneagram Three. If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for the upcoming retreat, "Leading with Life in Balance."
This retreat offers a unique opportunity to explore your personality patterns more deeply, examine how they influence your spiritual journey, and learn practical tools for living with greater balance and intention.
By attending this retreat, you will gain profound self-knowledge, helping you recognize your strengths and address your challenges in a supportive and nurturing environment. You can learn more about the retreat and register by visiting this link.
As you continue on this journey of self-discovery, remember that your worth is not defined by your achievements, but by who you are as a person. I hope to see you at the retreat, where we can explore these themes together and grow in our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with God.